With tomorrow being Valentine’s Day I thought it appropos to say a little something about Kojak’s question, “who loves ya, baby?” (for the uniformed, Kojak was a TV detective fro the mid-1970′s and this one of of his trademark line).
Kojak’s line is really an assurance that he loves ya, a rhetorical question but I’m going to answer it anyway.
Here’s my quick answer: Don’t worry about it. Well, don’t worry about it directly.
Instead, ask yourself this alternate question: “Who, and what, do ya love?”
Worrying about who loves you is akin to worrying about being happy or worrying about your self-esteem. You cannot directly make people love you, be happy or feel great about yourself for no good reason (well, maybe this one but it’s not a good idea). Each of these is a fool’s errand.
Each of the above values follows The Law of Indirect Effort, that they are results of other actions and lack a simple 1-to-1 correspondence.
It brings me to a third, related question people love to ask each other, “is it more important to be loved or to love?“
To love of course, because that is the best way to assure that you will be loved in return–hey, you get both this way. Loving is attractive, literally, by doing what you love, or loving what you are doing and expressing it to those you love it is inevitable that this same love with come back to you.
On the flip side, longing and neediness are repellent, they push everyone away. You might get a bit of sympathy for awhile but people will begin to shun you if it keeps up (ask me, I know firsthand).
Who loves you, how happy you are presently and how you feel about yourself are SCORECARDS about how you’ve been doing lately. You can’t erase these scores, nor can you plead with a teacher to raise them undeservedly.
Valentine’s Day at its heart is a perennial reminder to express your love to those who are important in your life (hint, hint) in case you’ve forgotten lately, and haven’t we all to some degree?
“The hole you give through is the hole you receive through.”